Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
