i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
