ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do herpes really smell.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, beer. Big fan.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
