my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
