she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
