Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
