super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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