i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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