There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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