a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
