im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
