The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
