Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
