You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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