Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
