the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
