Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
