Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
