it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
