my room smells like sperm. sweet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
