So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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