i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
