Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
