I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
