If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
