he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
