Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
