my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
