I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
