I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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