If i come over, it means nothing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
