on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you never un-have a 4some
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
