a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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