Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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