the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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