we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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