Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
