You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i think i just lost a toe
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