That's intense
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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