my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
