Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
