it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
