So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
