thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
