they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
