This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
