Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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