$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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