I think I died a long time ago.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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