There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
